A True Story: Bizzaro Land

This shit happened on Wednesday night. I didn't have cable at that time, so I told the story with the intent to post it here, and now is the time. Brace yourself for this crazy bullshit.

Oh man, the most bizarre shit happened last night... This is straight out of fucking bizarro central. I mean, the even that occurred last night was just like one of those dreams where you wake up and you're just like... 'Wow. That was pretty fucking weird.' Like, if you're dreaming of laying on the beach in Hawaii when all of the sudden 5 midgets with pet kangaroos start frolicking and playing together so joyously 5 feet away from you. And then the kangaroos start pooping and then the midgets start picking up the poo and rubbing it over themselves with giant smiles on their faces as if they are in heaven... Yeah, that's bizarro land. Except my situation wasn't a dream.

I'm sitting in my room watching The Punisher. Very, very bad ass movie I might add. Quite gruesome. Anywho, I hear knocking but I thought it was just my little brother and sister fucking around and playing with my dog or something. But then my mom and my brother start calling for me frantically. I was on the phone with my dad at the time, so I ran out of my room and they tell me that someone is outside the door and they need help. They tell me this kid got beat up and he needs help. I walk into my room, grab my machete and a hammer and go and open the door. I open the door to see a mexican kid, about 18 years old just sitting there on his knees crying his eyes out. I say 'Hey man, what happened'. I have never seen this kid in my life. He says that he got beat up and he needs help, as he is crying and struggling to talk as his breathes are all fucked up. I tell him to get off my porch and go stand by the driveway and I'm calling the cops. When I was talking to him, his fucking dog that was somehow with him managed to run into my house. It was a very friendly pit bull. My mom quickly grabbed him by the neck at first because he was going towards my dogs, and she quickly put him on a leash. He was very friendly though.

Now, maybe I'm overreacting here but my Dad doesn't live here, and I'm the protecter of this house which includes my mom, my 16 year old brother and my 10 year old sister, who was freaking out and crying by the way. Now, in a situation like this you must think worse case scenario. I thought this kid got the shit kicked out of him by some assholes that live around here or something and maybe they were walking around near my house looking for him. So I didn't want this little fuck in front of my house. I didn't go outside to comfort him or anything like that. I was comforting my little sister and calling the cops. I'm not risking my ass for someone I don't know.

So I call the cops and after I get off the phone I go back out there and he had moved to the middle of my driveway, and I just yelled to him that everything was gonna be ok and that the cops were on the way. A few minutes later I went back outside to yell to him and he had left. The fucking moron. Now I'm thinking that this fucking kid just got killed in my front yard or something. So I call 911 back and I got the same person I talked to the first time and explain that the cops still aren't here and it's been nearly 10 minutes. I wasn't very calm. So now I'm fed up. I go get a baseball bat and a flashlight and just walk out there. I'm still on the phone with the 911 operator and he says that the cops are there. I'm like no, they aren't. I look down the street and there's about 3 of them with this kid. I walk down to see what's up and one of the cops meet me halfway and I explain to him who I am and what happened. Then this fucking stupid mexican bitch starts yelling at the cops and cursing at them and what not when they're trying to help him. He then walks away.

Meanwhile my mom starts walking down the street with this fucking dog. The dog begins to sniff the crotches of the officers. They say they're gonna go get him and talk to him and find out what's going on and they asked us to hold on to the dog. So we agree and start walking back up the street and this guy is riding his bike and as he passes us he says 'There's my dog'. And we start telling this guy how we found to dog and we find out that he's the one who kicked the shit out of him, because I guess he broke some windows or some shit and this kid freaked out and started running and I guess our house was the house of choosing. I think this kid got the shit kicked out of him pretty bad and was pretty scared to act the way he did. He had the balls to tell the cops to fuck off and shit, which is more like stupidity but regardless, he seemed like he had a tough guy attitude and to bring yourself down to the point of having to beg a complete stranger for help leads me to believe he got the shit kicked out of him quite badly by someone twice his age. So we give this fucko the dog and that's the end of the night. The cops were supposed to come back but they never did.

My little sister was scared shitless. It was very depressing. Not to mention that this situation took up about an hour or two of my night. I was very pissed about that. Sure it was entertaining but my time is valuable. Plus, seeing my sister so scared and afraid to even go outside in our very safe town pissed me off pretty badly. I'm gonna find this kid and I'm gonna kick the shit out of him for picking my house. Fucking imbecile.

Like I said though, straight out of bizarro land. Especially the dog running in my house. It's just like... WTF there is a dog... in my house. It's not mine! Weird. Ok enough of this story.