Andrea Yates 2: Not Guilty

It was announced today that Andrea Yates was found Not Guilty in her retrial. In 2002 she was convicted of murder in the drowning of her 5 children.

The background is pretty simple. Ordinary Mom and Dad with 5 very young children. A very religious household that tried their best to be obey God's word and be fruitful and multiply. After 7 years of popping out a grand total of 5 kids, lots of bouts with post-pardom depression, the stress of being a mother, and to top it off, the insane preacher that pushed her off the ledge. This is Andrea Yates.

I will admit that when I first read this headline, I was extremely furious. I felt quite irate to be honest, but then I began to read the story, remember the details, and truly understand the situation. This woman isn't a serial killer. She wasn't necessarily evil. She was your average stay-at-home Mom who absolutely fucking lost it. In this country, we have "not guilty by reason of insanity" for a reason, and this shit has dates back to colonial times. Our founding fathers made it very clear that there is in fact an exception to law when dealing with insane people. And with an act like this, it's pretty clear, isn't it?

The woman systematically murdered each and every one of her 5 children, and did so in the most gruesome way imaginable. If I remember the details correctly, I believe that when she got up to the older children, they struggled a bit. So she had to sort of trick them into coming into the bathroom because she were getting wise to what her crazy ass was doing. Absolutely fucking horrible. All 5 children systematically drowned. It breaks your heart.

But that doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is that the bitch is nuts. It's obvious. She didn't hate her kids and kill them. She wasn't sick and tired of being a Mom. These notions are fucking dumb, dimwitted and illogical. Here is what really went on, as she has told various prison psychiatrists. This insane preacher...

Enter from stage left: Michael Woroniecki! To a thunderous applause enters this absolute fucking mad man. This fucking low-life scum bag motherfucker is more so the cause than anyone else in this story. He is in fact, the real villain of this story. Yes, Andrea Yates was a weak little cunt who was emotionally fit to be a mother. This we know is true, but there isn't this pure evil aspect when it comes to Andrea Yates. She was... fucking dumb and weak. She just wasn't mentally fit and fucking went bat shit. But this Wornniecki, who I might add also has about 4-5 aliases, is a true villain and inherently fucking evil.

You can read more in depth about him here, but you can trust my synopsis. He's a mad man and he is what is described as a "hellfire preacher." He's the type that really makes you worry about the consequences of a life of sin and is constantly reminding you of how much hell sucks. Now, put these words from Preacher Crazy Fuck in your bong and smoke it.

In this image taken from a video sent to followers in 1996, Michael Woroniecki emphatically warns followers who are parents that unless they abandon their "husband goes to work, wife just exists" Christian lifestyle, quit their job and take up his prophetic, itinerant lifestyle, their children would not be properly trained "in the Lord," reach accountability and "perish in hellfire." He also added that because of Mt. 18:6 the parents would suffer the "most severe judgment" for allowing an innocent child to stumble in this way. Andrea and Rusty Yates received a copy of this video.

That's just a little preview of what this douche bag is about. Andrea and Rusty were in fact followers of him. He believes that a woman should be standing on the corner with a cross. One of those types I suppose. He made it very clear that you absolutely must do things his way, in the way he says they must be done, coded with all that fucking religious babble, or else your children will not be properly trained for God. When you combine that horseshit along with the other hellfire/life-in-Hell-burning-forver thing, you create quite a guilty feeling. And a lot of pressure too. She knew that she wasn't strong enough to do this. She was convinced by this cocksucker, and probably convinced a lot by her own thoughts that her 5 children, whom she loved, were going to spend eternity in The Hot Place.

When you really believe in this religion bullshit, and when you really believe there's a little guy with horns and a pitch fork who shall fuck with you in his burning lake of fire, you tend to make some rash decisions. You begin to believe the thought of, "Hey, what's 80 years on Earth compared to FOREVER in Heaven." She killed her children here and now by her own hands so they would all goto Heaven, because they were doomed to Hell as long as she was their mother.

This is, legally defined as well as Webster's defined pure insanity. She was completely severed with reality. So with all of this in mind, we come to see why she decided to kill her 5 children. She did it to ensure they spent their lives in Heaven, because she was convinced by Captain Evil-Bag-o-Cunt that they were doomed to hell because she was a failure as a mother.

It's true, she is the worst mother of all time. An absolute failure. But not because of anything to do with religion. It had nothing to do with religion in the least. When it comes to being a Mother or a Father, you have one responsibility. Ensure your child's survival. That's it. Along with that comes raising it, teaching him to be a man or teaching her how to be strong. She made herself a failure by giving into this bullshit.

It's just a tragedy. It's obvious this woman is Not Guilty by Insanity, but it just sucks all around. There's no winner. Of course, it's pointless to punish this whore. I'm sure she punishes herself everyday for the viciousness of her absolute stupidity. It's lose-lose. All we can do is learn from the mistake and do our best not to let people repeat it. One very good thing that came out of this situation was post-pardom awareness. And hopefully people will become more aware of what preachers do to people. Not just crazy fucks like this guy, but even normal ones. Humans do not like guilt, and that's how Christianity works. Dehumanize by guilt and create a sheep in your Christian Army to create a force of power. It's a simple formula and it works.

But people just don't realize the consequences and tragedies along the way here. 5 young children, drowned by their own mother. She is responsibile for her own actions, but when dealing with Christianity you have to sometimes point the finger at the people who influence them the most. Christians rely on their leaders to guide them, and when they're being misguided and mentally fucked with, that person also needs to stand up and get blamed. But that won't happen any time soon, because in order for that to happen the media and society must admit there is a problem with religion. That won't happen. So I guess my only hope is for someone to assassinate him. I can hope for true justice, can't I?

How To Handle The Lunsford Case

Hopefully by now, most people know about the Jessica Lunsford case. If you haven't, then allow me to give you a quick primer. A beautiful little girl goes missing in my county and in the small town that I work in. The case gets national news attention. Geraldo comes to Citrus County, which of course is also the home of me, The motherfucking Sick. Fox News is here, I'm seeing my sheriff who used to be my baseball coach on CNN and Fox News at the same time. It's nuts.

So anyway, they find the guy who abducted her before they even found her. He confessed and told deputies where she was. The media won't report that she lived in the poor trailer trash area of Homosassa, but I'm here to inform you that this is in fact, the white ghetto and it isn't surprising in the least that something like this happened there. It's where the scum of the earth live and if I went down there with a video camera, you'd see what I'm talking about. Poor-choice making central. So they find him...

The only reason they found him was because they very intelligently decided to check all the sex offenders in the area. They were however, too late. The man, John Couey, who lived right down the road from this girl, abducted her and brought her back to his sister's crack house. He had a room there. He sexually abused her for a little while until he got tired and bored with it. He couldn't let her go because of course, she'd tell on him. So he then figures that the best course of action from here on out would be to allow her to grasp her stuffed animal that she had brought with her, put on trash bag over her head, one over her feet, and then tie them in the middle. What's next, might you ask? Buried alive.

Now this piece of shit, who is literally about 8 miles away from me at this moment in time, is finally getting his day in court this week. The trial is cranking up and almost ready to go. Like I said earlier, he fucking confessed. He admitted to this crime. He said "HEY GUYS I DID IT, HERE'S WHERE YOU NEED TO FIND THE BODY AT. I BURIED HER ALIVE RIGHT THERE." But with that very important fact being said, we have a bit of a development.

They are now putting the whole trial on hold and moving it somewhere that is to be determined at a later date. The whole problem is that circuit Judge Howard could not find an impartial jury in my county, so they moved in to Lake county. They started with 264 people, and it was also decided that all of those people had heard about the story, as well as Couey's confession which of course, was thrown out. Oops, did I forget that little detail?

How or why a confession would be thrown out just absolutely fucking baffles me. Constitutional or not, I could give two fucking shits. When someone confesses to a crime, that should be the fucking end. Wham, bam, thank you Ma'am. I'll leave the money on the dresser. When one confesses to such a crime, they should be in front of an elected Judge and sentenced the very next morning. The Judge can have 24 hours to review the case, and that's it. Fast Track Death. There is no point in wasting (for once I can say this) MY FUCKING TAX DOLLARS on a fucking trial, when he CONFESSED. HE ADMITTED IT. Why must you spend the money I earned and was forced to give to you on this sort of bullshit? I've gotten tickets, I have a fucking right to bitch.

To get back on track though, the money wasting Judge, who I know is just doing his job, has the opinion that he can't get a fair trial in this county in which the crime was committed nor can he in a neighboring county. So now it's just left dangling in the air, and this fucking scrawny little drug addict crack head cocksucking motherfucker gets to live. He gets to breathe. Every minute he is allowed to breathe absolutely infuriates me. Stop wasting my money and listen to my amazing ideas.

I know how to fix this real fast and quick. Whoever the powers may be need to just listen up to me and do as I say, because even though I'm quite the writer and entertainer, I'm also pretty good with business administration and I know a thing or two about how to cut losses and maximize profits. Here's what you do; you find the sickest most rugged guard. You give him one of those big ass bowie knives. He hides it away, and he pretends like he's going into Couey's cell for some random search deal in the middle of the night. You then zip tie Couey's hands and duct tape his mouth.

Now when I say duct tape is mouth, I don't mean like in the movies. I'm talking the brand name Scotts Duct Tape kind of shit, and you wrap it around his whole fucking head until you're out of tape. Just a giant bee hive of silver goodness on a scrawny little pencil neck, with a little hole cut out so he can still breathe with his nose of course. Wouldn't want him to actually die or anything like that.

You then allow Mark Lunsford, Jessica's father, to enter the cell. He was waiting in a little secret room waiting for the big rugged Johnny Badass guard to get on the walkie talkie and let them know he was secured. So now that little fuck is secured and Mark Lunsford has him, for the first time, within arms reach. Mark would introduce himself, speaking in whispers of course. He would explain to him just how much pain he's felt every waking minute of every fucking day he's lived since the day Couey decided he was going to stop controlling his sick sexual fucking urges and eliminate his daughter from the world. He would describe how many people miss this little girl's presence every single day. The family and friends who actually lived with this girl, the people that really miss her.

Mark would give Johnny Badass the nod, and he would then be depantsed (my word) by the guard. The big ass bowie knife would emerge and be handed to Mark. Ee will dish out the amazing Matt The Sick invented death penalty for sexual offenders: Death By Three Cuts. The rugged guard grabs a hold of his tiny little pasty baby dick, stretches it out like an accordion, and Mr. Lunford shall just decapitate his fucking manhood. The unit he used to commit the most offensive of crimes shall be removed. That's the get-even phase of this ingenious method. Then, with his newly made bleeding half-a-cock, he would be cut two more times. Sliced with the bowie knife on both of his achilles tendons located above the heels. The most powerful and strongest tendon in the body would be severed. He would drop down to the floor without the ability to support his own weight and he would be left there to die with his stupid duct tape bee hive head.

He would slowly bleed and bleed until he died a most horribly torturous death. His body would be cleaned up and reported as a Jeffrey Dahmer type prison murder. The headlines on the news and in the paper would read, "COUEY MURDERED IN CELL." And that's it. That would be the end. Vengeance for the person most hurt by this crime. You have the get-back and you have the penalty. You have to pay one guard a little bit of extra violence sort of pay, and that's it the cost to cover that up would be about 1/100th of what it costs to put on this fucking trial.

And does anyone actually believe this fucking mutant actually deserves anything less than my proposed style of execution? If he hadn't confessed, I would fully cite the Constitutional rights at this juncture. But he confessed, and you can't change your mind about telling the truth. So stop wasting my tax money and kill this motherfucker now, and let the father inject him with the needle. Our justice system is fucking pathetic.