76 Hours

It's been about 76 hours since I've had a cigarette. I am a fucking God of willpower. I could bend steal with my mind if I tried hard enough. It's not too hard really. It's only hard when I'm working and driving in my car. It's extremely hard then. I have a huge hand to mouth habit when I'm working, and it's just so fucking boring that I begin to try and convince myself why it would be OK to have just one cigarette per hour. Then I realize I'm being a weak minded bitch and I knock it off.

It's not too hard though. It's also pretty hard when I'm out driving and I see $3 fucking gas in Florida. My county has a shit load of gas tax because the roads in my county are being repaved, and every highway is being expanded. So it fucking blows, and I'm losing a ton of money. Oh well, shit happens. I'm going to go play with my HDTV now.

Breaking The Habit

I started smoking when I was about 13 or 14. It all started with my best friend, Ed. He talked me into trying a cigarette. It sucked, I coughed my eye balls out, and I told him he was a stupid fuck for smoking. Then evil fucking woman had to get involved. I don't remember how much longer it was. I believe I was in 6th grade at this time. We were hanging out at this place called The Tunnels; which is a cool name for what were actually easily accessible sewers.

I remember this day quite clearly. I'm going to try to remember the name of all the girls who were there. There was Brittany, Christina, Jessica, and Lianne. Then there was Poser-Ass Dustin. He was a small kid, sort of a runt who was my friend. He sucked with girls. Then there was me. I was awesome with girls. We were all playing truth or dare at the tunnels, and these bitches got me to smoke. God damn bitches. That was the first, and only time I had ever let peer pressure allow me to do something stupid.

I've had plenty of peer pressure to drink, smoke weed, etc. Never gave in again. But I had one week day that involved four hot bitches making out with me, AND I was only 13. That fucked me up good though. I kept smoking. Never stopped. Eventually I was able to steal enough money where I got people who were over 18 to buy them for me, I'd just give them a pack out of a carton. It was a good arrangement.

There's a lot of down sides to smoking for a person like me. First off, the biggest and most important reason I decided to quit was because of baseball. Motherfucking baseball. I played for 8 seasons, from tee-ball all the way to the last year of Little League, which is senior league. I was unable to play that season due to smoking. I was able to smoke regularly and play ball for a good three years, but I started going to school less and less because I was out of control at this time, and I went to the try outs and ended up having to just go home because I was about to pass out multiple times from the heat. I was losing my vision often due to my extremely shitty condition. It sucked, so I had to call it quits.

I have to go back and change this though. I've made a few major fuck ups in my life. Getting home-schooled was one of them. I wasn't some shitty baseball player. I was on every single All Star team I was ever eligible for; 6 to be specific. I pitched, played First Base for 5 years straight, always batted either 3rd or clean up. I was the fucking man. And I still am the fucking man, to be perfectly honest. Just because I haven't played in three years doesn't mean I can't shake the rust off and brush myself off, get the fuck up and get back on the field.

Back to my original point, which was I never went to an actual high school. I never had to be a part of that bullshit system that happens at those schools. I never had to deal with it. Which was good to a certain extent, probably the reason I'm such a free thinker. But I missed out on the fucking glory. The glory of playing baseball in front of my peers. It's one thing to play in front of family and your teammates' Moms and Dads. It's a completely different thing to play in front of people who don't want to cheer you. People who you have to impress. People you have to entertain. It's a whole different feeling.

It reminds me of a good story. I was about 15 or 16, and I was just as big of an asshole then as I am now. I was pitching in this game, and I was having a pretty bad night. I had hit a few batters, and parents were getting pretty upset. I throw very fast, around 65 mph when I was 15-16. I roll a bowling ball 24 mph without even trying too hard, so I have quite an arm. I was really hurting these kids, and parents started bitching at my coaches to switch pitchers. I ended up yelling out something like "Why don't you shut your mouth and watch the game." Something to that effect. Then some coach from the other time started yelling at me, like he was my fucking coach or something. I told him he wasn't my coach and to shut up. Then I got yelled at by my coach.

Then I yelled at everyone, telling them the first amendment protects my right to free speech and I can say whatever I want. I probably looked stupid citing the First Amendment in that situation, but I still felt like a rebel. I didn't quite get it like I should have at that time. It was good stuff. I ended the inning with my mad pitching skillz. I got up to the plate with two outs and two runners on and I was the ultimate bad guy now. It was fucking awesome. I was literally being booed, at a fucking Little League game. And I absolutely loved it. The were cheering so hard every time I swung and missed. I remember I had two strikes on me, and they were just really against me, and this kid pitches the ball and I just nailed it into the center-left field gap. Base clearing double, bitches. One of my proudest moments in baseball.

This stuff was my life for a long time, and I miss it very badly. That's why I'm quitting. Now when I say "I'm quitting", I don't mean I'm thinking about it or planning on it. I have not smoked a cigarette in almost 48 hours. It was pretty crazy how it happened. I was sitting around just being lazy, thinking about how it was about time to get started on college and get myself learning about psychology and what not. So I was trying to find the website for the Central Florida Community College. I googled "CFCC", and found the page. I'm looking around and I see "Athletics." I think "Wow, I didn't know they had an Athletics program." Then I see it; Baseball. So then I start getting excited, trying to figure out how I'm going to get in so I can play.

Then I see it. A link on the baseball page that says "Want to play?" I got excited, like little boy on Christmas and quickly clicked the link. This is what I found. I can play for their school and I don't even have to attend there. I can earn a scholarship to get my AA so I can move on to a real college too. It works out perfectly. Not two minutes after I found this page, I decided to quit. I took my cigarettes, put them a drawer, and went inside. No more smoking in the garage bullshit (which is new, since I moved). Time to get my lungs up and running properly again, work out, brush the dirt off my shoulder, and start training. I'm an excellent baseball player and the essential skills needed don't just fade or go away. One might obtain a bit of rust, but you certainly don't lose skills. I'll make it with this team. It isn't an option for me not to. Then when I do, I can be back on the right track that I jumped off of the day I let four girls talk me into trying a cigarette and pretending to like it. I will right that, and be on my way to re-obtaining my glory.

(I haven't posted in a while due to me working a gazillion hours a week so I can live in this big house I moved into, but ignore those typos I'm sure I made. I'm too lazy to proof this right now. Thank you.)

I No Longer Support The War

There comes a point in any situation when the negative outweighs the positive, which is the most important sign to recognize when deciding to call it quits. This can apply with anything from Poker to swimming. Or it can apply to something more serious, like a fucking war in the middle east. I am done supporting this fucking war. Let me explain my progressive opinion first.

Initially, I supported the war 100%. I wrote a really good article the day the war started actually. Back when I had things called "Rants", opposed to a full out weblog. Then after about a year passed, and it was pretty obvious there were no WMDs, I withdrew my support for our president, but still believed we needed to keep fighting. I realized it was indeed a bad idea to go in there, but I still wanted to see the war won. I still supported the war itself.

Up until today that is. See, that point I spoke of in the beginning of this post is here, with me at least. Everyone has their breaking point, and I was pushed over the edge today. What caused it? this did.

A helicopter crashed on Saturday, and insurgent scumbag cock lovers ripped the fucking burning body from the wreckage and drug it away in celebration. That's one of our boys. That's one of us. Here you go fuckers. Watch the video right here. I fucking defy anyone to watch this video and continue to support the fucking waste that is happening over there. Complete utter fucking waste.

That man died for absolutely nothing. There is no brave and noble cause. He died as an absolutely brave and ballsy man. 10 times more balls than I have, that's for sure. He died doing the most honorable thing I can imagine. But that doesn't mean he died while performing some heroic duty or for a cause bigger than himself. No, this waste of time in Iraq is not bigger than him. It's not bigger than any one man over there. It's a complete waste.

Just what have we achieved? Iraq is free. And that effects me how in my day to day life? Sorry, I don't give 2 and a half shits about the life and liberty of Iraqis. Not while there's one homeless man on the street. Not when there's one struggling family in the United States. When we're absolutely flawless, then I'll start caring about the savages in the middle east. OK?

So we have a free Iraq. They have a democracy. That's lovely. Warm and fucking fuzzy. What else? Someone please explain to me what these fucking men are dying for? And don't even consider feeding me bullshit about fighting a war on terrorism. I used to believe that hype, and I used to spout the same bullshit. I'm sure you can find it right here on this website, typed by my own fingers. It's not a war on terror. Our invasion created the what we're fighting. It wasn't there before we invaded.

A free Iraq. I could care a lot less than I do if this offends anyone, but our men and women are dying for fucking nothing worth their death. Every single one of them, dead or alive, deserve all of the respect in the world for being there and fighting. Every one of their deaths should be headline fucking news. Every face should be on the front page of every paper when they die. They deserve this for their sacrifice to our country. They are not at fault in any way. The most honorable and courageous thing you can do is fight for your country.

The problem is the direction of the fighting. The leaders. They're two separate entities. The leaders and the fighters. The fighters are doing what they do, and like I said, they deserve every ounce of respect possible and they are much better men than me. With that said, it's the leaders who are dead wrong. Absolutely fucking wrong, and there's no simpler way to put it. They're sending the best of our country to die for a fucking worthless cause that isn't even worth one American life.

We need to get the fuck out of Iraq now. I propose we blow it all the fuck up. Just absolute grease the Sunni triangle with one nuke and be done with it. One bomb will take care of the worst part of Iraq, and then we leave. That's it. Let them come to us. Let's take all of the money and man power used to fight this war and put it into security of this country. If you did that, trust me, there would be no terrorism in this country. Disagree if you'd like, but this is the way to secure our country. Fighting enemies we created does nothing to secure us at home. These people want us out of Iraq. They don't want to kill us at home. And if they do, it's because we're there in the first place.

Here's a question I asked myself that really began to change my mind. Ask yourself this: Most of the country at this point, about 75%, three quarters, or 3 out of 4 of us do not approve of George W. Bush's leadership. So what if a country like China decided they wanted to "liberate" us? Hmm? Think about that real hard and long. What would you do, and how would your life be effected if China decided it wanted to do the noble thing and take out our leader, and basically erase the slate and start the ball rolling on a new government. How would you feel? What would you do?

When you really begin to think this way, and when you really imagine this happening and think deeply, you begin to understand why the average Iraqi picks up a gun to take arms against our men and women. We might be doing a good thing, but occupation sucks. Could you imagine having to go through Chinese checkpoints on your way to and from work everyday? could you imagine our country being Invaded by hundreds of thousands of Chinese? Who cares if they're getting rid of a douche bag we hate, he's still our douche bag and we at least know the lines he won't cross and know he is limited to what he can do by our constitution. He's in check. An invading Army can do whatever the fuck they want.

If you really thought about it, then you're catching my drift. It's just been way too long. 3 years now. Knock it the fuck off and let our men and women come home. Blow them up or not, who cares. You cannot defeat terrorism. Terrorism is an idea of hatred. You can't fight a physical war on an idea or a feeling. It's something that cannot be killed. It's like fighting a war on jealousy. Get it?

Stop being stupid fucks. This war is unsupportable after three years now. I don't see how any rational person can still support this war. What if it went on for 20 years? Would you still support it? I think not. Bush has already said the next administration will be responsible for the outcome in Iraq. He plans on it going for another two years for fuck's sake. Just end it now. I don't care about our fucking American pride. We will never win and end the war. Ever. You cannot defeat a fucking feeling. There is no actual enemy. It's just not winnable, and I'm absolutely fucking sick of seeing these terrible things happen to our American people. The bravest of the brave, better than you or me, dying for fucking nothing. It makes me irate.

It's time to leave Iraq. How we do it, I don't care. I say we nuke the triangle, but its optional really. Either way, I don't want to see one more American die for this bullshit over there. It's just not worth it anymore. Fold your cards, pick up your chips and go the fuck home.

Disclaimer:If I sound like a raving liberal, than you can go fuck yourself. I'm a completely independant thinker who hates republicans and democrats equally. I have many conservative and liberal values. Abortions should be always legal, and we should always execute prisoners. That about sums me up politically. I'm a free thinker, so if anyone bothers to call me a liberal, I will hunt you down and smash your mother in the face with my 20 inch penis. Thank you.