The Sick Tests Kava Kava: Part I

I've been experimenting with natural herbs a lot lately. Today, I am testing out Kava.

I first came across Kava by reading an article. The article was about a woman who was arrested on a DUI charge for driving while drinking Kava tea. Kava tea is apparently much more potent than Kava pills. I call them Kava beans.

I bought my bottle over at bodybuilding.com. It's 'Now' brand. The bottle reads 'Kava Kava Extract, 250 mg, 120 capsules. It also says '30% Kavalactones'. I don't quite understand this. I need to do some research.

Generally due to all the pills I've ingested for chronic migraine problems, I have built up quite a pill tolerance. So I decided to take a dose of 500 mg, to ensure that this shit either works, or doesn't work.

Once I heard about Kava, I did much research. Apparently, Kava (the drink) is exactly what beer is in South Pacific island communities. Especially Fiji. All those brown Hawaiian looking people; they love this shit. It comes directly from a plant. It's a massive part of South Pacific culture. I cannot stress this enough. This is their beer.

Kava is supposed to be mainly used as an anxiolytic and sedative. Both words mean the same thing; to make calm. This shit has a whole lot of hype. Let's see what it's made off.

1:15: Two 250 mg Kava Kava Extract pills ingested on a full stomach, washed down with some Diet Pepsi.

1:22: Reading about Kavalactones. Apparently, they are the 'principal psychoactive compounds'. If that's the case, then 30% doesn't sound too good. We shall see though. I did some quick goat math and came to the conclusion that I ingested 150 mg of kavalactones.

1:30: Nothing so far. I guess. Feeling quite normal. I expect abnormal relaxation. I'm not getting any.

1:45: Every few minutes I throw a ball in the air to test my motor skills. Apparently they are supposed to be effected. It's not happening though. I'll go play with some Legos while I wait. I have a feeling this is going nowhere fast.

1:52: I'm definitely relaxed and stress free. I'm thinking of bills and various problems in my life and it's not bothering me much. Perhaps I should test them at work. Or during a stress situation. Perhaps the testing environment isn't well suited.

1:55: Definite change in sluggishness. My muscles are definitely abnormally relaxed. I went to reach for the mouse and noticed it was not normal. Like I said, I think a better testing environment would be at work when I'm constantly stressed and pissed.

2:06: I'm definitely more relaxed than I usually am at home. I am very interested in testing Kava in a stressful environment. I see that it puts me from normal into slightly relaxed. But I wanna see if It can take me from angry and stressed out to calm. Although if it takes an hour to work, then that's fucking pointless because generally work stress doesn't last for hours, and an hour wait for relief sucks dick.

2:35: Feeling sort of sluggish. Almost like I'm overly tired. But I'm not, and shouldn't be overly tired. The fact of the matter is, I'm having to struggle to feel if anything is happening. I'm very cautious about placebo effects. I'm very cautious of what I want to believe. What is happening is something between what I want to happen, and what us really happening.

I'm going to end this now. Next time, I shall try with 750 mg. That'll up my dose of kavalactones to 225 mg. I will also text Kava in working conditions. Although, my first opinion is that i wasted my fucking money. There is no magic pill to make stress go away. Wait a minute, there is. It's called Xanax, but it's very expensive and the people that prescribe it are very expensive.

I'm making a gross amount of typos. This is evidence that something is indeed happening. Just not of the degree that I had hoped. I can easily focus more and type a little bit slower, and more accurately. Either way, I'm slightly disappointed with the first round of testing.

2:40: To Be Continued...