The Clit Cock

I was looking through the stats for my website today, and I noticed something that was nothing short of phenominal. That phenominal stat was just how many sick fucks found my website by searching for the word "clit" and every version of that word imaginable. No really, I'm not kidding. Let's take a look.

The list I'm making below will display the number of hits to pages on my site, and the phrase used to get those hits.

15,229 - Clit

2,080 - Little Penis

493 - My Clit

237 - Little Clit

229 - Freak Penis

175 - Penis Clit

151 - Great Clit

80 - Sick Penis

57 - Clit Penis

56 - Clit Pics

49 - Freak Clit

41 - Cocaine Penis

31 - Her Penis

30 - Penis Surprise

22 - Freakish Penis

Pretty fucking weird I thought. So then I decided to look at my Referring Site report to see how people are getting here. Of course, and I'm proud of this, the #1 way people get to the site is by using www.thesick.net, which is a very good thing because that means I have a repeat business and I keep people coming back to the site. But for some reason, Yahoo Image search has sent over 19,000 server requests my way. Google Images has sent over 5,000. What in the fuck is going on, I asked myself. Then I looked to see what these fucking people were finding in their image searches that sent them to my website. And then I figured it all out.

Now, you're probably thinking that you've never seen me talk about the lovely female genitalia, also known as the clitoris, on my website. On the contrary my friends. This was all caused by one post I made over a year and a half ago on July 20th, 2004. The post, entitled "The He She Cunt Bag Slut Bitch" was a simple little post about my best friend's aunt, who just happens to be the biggest piece of shit on the planet. But that's not important right now.

This post is important because it is the culprit in bringing in all these clit searching heathens. There is one element, and one element alone in that post that brought every single one of those people here. Yes, it is the Clit Cock. I claimed that this woman did indeed have a Clit Cock, or Don King between her legs. I was leaning towards Clit Cock, and I still do hold that belief to this day. Regardless, that one little picture brought out the masses. People seem to get really excited over this Clit Cock business. Interesting, isn't it?

And it's easy to see why. Don't pretend like you're not in awe of that picture. Wether it disgusts you, makes you giggle, or turns you on and makes you want to immediately begin juggling your balls, it's fucking entertaining. It's a car wreck, right there on the page and you can freely stare at it without assholes honking at you. It's just nuts how such an odd thing could bring in such a crowd of delightful gentlemen. As for the "cocaine penis" people, I have no idea what they fuck they were looking for. I don't even know what Cocaine Cock is. What I do know is that I need to start trademarking my phrases. Clit Cock is a hit, for sure. I should start accusing people of having Clit Cocks more often.

If this post brings in new visitors, which it will of course, in search of the Clit Cock, I welcome you. I hope you have sweet dreams of holding that little baby-dick-clit between your teeth and nibbling to your heart's content. Just a little tongue, but not too much. It's sensitive, ya know? Take a look at Chyna's Clit Cock while you're at it. And after you're done feverishly stroking your penis while admiring the delightful freak show of Clit Cocks, I demand that you continue reading my website and comment on my posts. Think of this website as your girlfriend. You cannot fuck it and run. If you want to have sex with my website, you must give it some love and cuddles afterwards. I accept love and cuddles in the form of comments and general admiration, as well as general praise via comments, AIM, or email.

I can't say that I'm not butt-hurt over the fact that the phrase "freak penis" beat out "Matt The Sick" in the search query hit count stats. How can it be possible that more people are searching for freakish penises over my awesomeness? I just don't understand. When I am more popular than The Clit, then I will truly be a superstar. Until then, I keep exposing the bullshit that I read everyday, and you fine folks can enjoy it. Along with the Clit Cock.