How To Handle The Lunsford Case
Hopefully by now, most people know about the Jessica Lunsford case. If you haven't, then allow me to give you a quick primer. A beautiful little girl goes missing in my county and in the small town that I work in. The case gets national news attention. Geraldo comes to Citrus County, which of course is also the home of me, The motherfucking Sick. Fox News is here, I'm seeing my sheriff who used to be my baseball coach on CNN and Fox News at the same time. It's nuts.So anyway, they find the guy who abducted her before they even found her. He confessed and told deputies where she was. The media won't report that she lived in the poor trailer trash area of Homosassa, but I'm here to inform you that this is in fact, the white ghetto and it isn't surprising in the least that something like this happened there. It's where the scum of the earth live and if I went down there with a video camera, you'd see what I'm talking about. Poor-choice making central. So they find him...
The only reason they found him was because they very intelligently decided to check all the sex offenders in the area. They were however, too late. The man, John Couey, who lived right down the road from this girl, abducted her and brought her back to his sister's crack house. He had a room there. He sexually abused her for a little while until he got tired and bored with it. He couldn't let her go because of course, she'd tell on him. So he then figures that the best course of action from here on out would be to allow her to grasp her stuffed animal that she had brought with her, put on trash bag over her head, one over her feet, and then tie them in the middle. What's next, might you ask? Buried alive.
Now this piece of shit, who is literally about 8 miles away from me at this moment in time, is finally getting his day in court this week. The trial is cranking up and almost ready to go. Like I said earlier, he fucking confessed. He admitted to this crime. He said "HEY GUYS I DID IT, HERE'S WHERE YOU NEED TO FIND THE BODY AT. I BURIED HER ALIVE RIGHT THERE." But with that very important fact being said, we have a bit of a development.
They are now putting the whole trial on hold and moving it somewhere that is to be determined at a later date. The whole problem is that circuit Judge Howard could not find an impartial jury in my county, so they moved in to Lake county. They started with 264 people, and it was also decided that all of those people had heard about the story, as well as Couey's confession which of course, was thrown out. Oops, did I forget that little detail?
How or why a confession would be thrown out just absolutely fucking baffles me. Constitutional or not, I could give two fucking shits. When someone confesses to a crime, that should be the fucking end. Wham, bam, thank you Ma'am. I'll leave the money on the dresser. When one confesses to such a crime, they should be in front of an elected Judge and sentenced the very next morning. The Judge can have 24 hours to review the case, and that's it. Fast Track Death. There is no point in wasting (for once I can say this) MY FUCKING TAX DOLLARS on a fucking trial, when he CONFESSED. HE ADMITTED IT. Why must you spend the money I earned and was forced to give to you on this sort of bullshit? I've gotten tickets, I have a fucking right to bitch.
To get back on track though, the money wasting Judge, who I know is just doing his job, has the opinion that he can't get a fair trial in this county in which the crime was committed nor can he in a neighboring county. So now it's just left dangling in the air, and this fucking scrawny little drug addict crack head cocksucking motherfucker gets to live. He gets to breathe. Every minute he is allowed to breathe absolutely infuriates me. Stop wasting my money and listen to my amazing ideas.
I know how to fix this real fast and quick. Whoever the powers may be need to just listen up to me and do as I say, because even though I'm quite the writer and entertainer, I'm also pretty good with business administration and I know a thing or two about how to cut losses and maximize profits. Here's what you do; you find the sickest most rugged guard. You give him one of those big ass bowie knives. He hides it away, and he pretends like he's going into Couey's cell for some random search deal in the middle of the night. You then zip tie Couey's hands and duct tape his mouth.
Now when I say duct tape is mouth, I don't mean like in the movies. I'm talking the brand name Scotts Duct Tape kind of shit, and you wrap it around his whole fucking head until you're out of tape. Just a giant bee hive of silver goodness on a scrawny little pencil neck, with a little hole cut out so he can still breathe with his nose of course. Wouldn't want him to actually die or anything like that.
You then allow Mark Lunsford, Jessica's father, to enter the cell. He was waiting in a little secret room waiting for the big rugged Johnny Badass guard to get on the walkie talkie and let them know he was secured. So now that little fuck is secured and Mark Lunsford has him, for the first time, within arms reach. Mark would introduce himself, speaking in whispers of course. He would explain to him just how much pain he's felt every waking minute of every fucking day he's lived since the day Couey decided he was going to stop controlling his sick sexual fucking urges and eliminate his daughter from the world. He would describe how many people miss this little girl's presence every single day. The family and friends who actually lived with this girl, the people that really miss her.
Mark would give Johnny Badass the nod, and he would then be depantsed (my word) by the guard. The big ass bowie knife would emerge and be handed to Mark. Ee will dish out the amazing Matt The Sick invented death penalty for sexual offenders: Death By Three Cuts. The rugged guard grabs a hold of his tiny little pasty baby dick, stretches it out like an accordion, and Mr. Lunford shall just decapitate his fucking manhood. The unit he used to commit the most offensive of crimes shall be removed. That's the get-even phase of this ingenious method. Then, with his newly made bleeding half-a-cock, he would be cut two more times. Sliced with the bowie knife on both of his achilles tendons located above the heels. The most powerful and strongest tendon in the body would be severed. He would drop down to the floor without the ability to support his own weight and he would be left there to die with his stupid duct tape bee hive head.
He would slowly bleed and bleed until he died a most horribly torturous death. His body would be cleaned up and reported as a Jeffrey Dahmer type prison murder. The headlines on the news and in the paper would read, "COUEY MURDERED IN CELL." And that's it. That would be the end. Vengeance for the person most hurt by this crime. You have the get-back and you have the penalty. You have to pay one guard a little bit of extra violence sort of pay, and that's it the cost to cover that up would be about 1/100th of what it costs to put on this fucking trial.
And does anyone actually believe this fucking mutant actually deserves anything less than my proposed style of execution? If he hadn't confessed, I would fully cite the Constitutional rights at this juncture. But he confessed, and you can't change your mind about telling the truth. So stop wasting my tax money and kill this motherfucker now, and let the father inject him with the needle. Our justice system is fucking pathetic.
posted by Matt The Sick at 11:46:00 PM
15 Comments:
Dont duct tape up his eyes either... That way Mark Lunsford could see the fear in that fuckers eyes as the knife appraoched his junk - oh, and to see his eyes as his life spilled out on the floor.
Well said, Matt. I share your sentiments regarding pedophiles and wasting our tax dollars. I like your plan, although I would suggest using a very dull knife or hack saw.
Anonymous
Pretty good suggestion I must admit. However I will have to disagree. I think he would be more afraid with the sensory deprivation technique. If he can see, he can at least have a sense of control.
On the other hand, it might work in the opposite way with this particular cocksucker. It's a toss up, really.
Ken
I definitely agree with that concept. The dull knife would definitely cause much more pain and much more suffering. I was going with the idea of sharp and quick getting the job done and out of the way sort of method, but I'm with you. Let them struggle to carry out the sentence.
Thanks for the comments.
I agree with you Matt, they should tear this fucking animal apart. I'm for the death penalty, and such crimes as this, i.e. raping children and killing them, merit a more, shall we say, time consuming method. Whereas care is taken to ensure the pervert dies slowly and painfully, with a full understanding of what he/she has done and the consequences of it.
On the subject of the death penalty, I understand that people who are innocent of any crime (or the crime for which they are punished) may be put to death, but to me this is justified in that punishing a scapegoat who is widely believed to have committed a particular crime will have a very powerful deterent effect on others who had been contemplating similiar crimes, particularly if the general public remains unaware that the victim of the punishment is in fact innocent. In such cases, I think we are justified in taking the chance of punishing innocents.
Aside from the obvious anger that this vermin creates in people i treally pisses me off when judges do this kind of thing.
The intent of the law is not ot find a jury that has never heard of the case but one that can weigh the facts in evidence and make a decision without bias.
Its smoke and mirrors and the judges play to the defense whim out of fear of yet another reason for there to be an appeal.
Also Ryan I wonder if you would feel it justified if you were the one who was wrongly going to be put to death.
Your argument about the death penalty being a deterrant has very little weight. Texas where I live has per capita more execution than any other state and we also lead per capita in murder.
I believe predators of any kind have to be removed from society for life. We need to change the things we deem crimes to make that room in our prisons.
Forget morality protect rights.
BTW nice to see you around Matt. I added you to my Myspace friends.
James-
If I was wrongly put to death I wouldn't feel anything; I'd be dead.
Ryan,
Great non-answer but as you see I said how would you feel if you were GOING to be put to death wrongly so its not really a good point at all. I understand why you did not answer though because it would obviously be very important and an injustice then.
Then the old well they probably did something wrong anyways. These are rationalizations not points.
If that is truly your feeling Heffizzle then are you proposing that we start executing people that we think may have probably done something wrong? My guess is that when you hear it that way you would realize its silly.
There are reasons to be for the death penalty that don’t include such inane non reasons. some feel it is deserved by those that commit the most horrible crimes. When you see guys like this one here its hard to not agree with it.
If ever anyone deserved to die it is this guy. However I am against the death penalty for concrete reasons that don’t include probably's and what if's. I can accept either position as valid as long as it is based in reason.
James -
Well excuse me for reading it wrong, my bad.
Yes, it would be an injustice, but then I'd have to be in a situation where the general public widely believed I was guilty, something that is very unlikely to happen. You see, there would have to be evidence to a certain extent, which suggests you are guilty for the public to believe it true in the first place.If you're innocent, then you should be able to prove it. Whatever you say, it's still my opinion; it's just what I think. You don't need to bother yourself finding ways to disprove it because I couldn't care less, it won't change the way I think.
Now go fuck yourself.
Ryan-
Good point.
I completely agree.
And, James, as for wrongly being put to death.
How likely is it that that would actually happen?
I think it's safe to say that the cases where the person was guilty, far outwiegh the cases of the wrongly accused.
Zach
"People are innocent until proven guilty, they don't have to prove a damn thing about their innocence, only refute the evidence that they are guilty."
In refuting it, you are proving your innocence. Something I said you should have to do, which you then denied and used different words to say basically the same thing as I said in the first place.
So, Zach
What you're saying is, get rid of the death penalty, but use it in special cases where a confession takes place?
Care to explain how that works?
"I think it's safe to say that the cases where the person was guilty, far outwiegh the cases of the wrongly accused." - Richard
of course, but does this matter?
In a word, yes.
You'd rather take years away from someones life, and drive them to near insanity in solitary confinement and you call this better? More humane?
I for one, would rather die.
Death accomplishes nothing but that feeling of vengence.
What's wrong with that? What is the punishment, if not societys revenge?
Refuting evidence is different than proving your innocence
How so? Refuting evidence means to prove to be false. If you are refuting evidence against you, then you are proving your innocence.
I cant tell you how often it happens but I can tell you how many times we have caught the mistake. 123 times since 1973 an innocent man has been freed from death row.
Im not trying to change your mind about the death penalty just pointing out obvious errors in the argument that was put forth.
How do you refute faulty eyewitness testimony especially if you have no alibi. BTW a lot of the men released from death row were convicted on eyewitness testimony.
All of that really doesnt matter in the end you are for it because you feel like the retribution that the family gets is justice. I am not of that mind. It is okay to disagree just not to use false and faulty statements to back it up.
http://www.deathpenaltyinfo.org/article.php?did=412#inn-yr-rc
Zach, you are a muppet.
End of.
Well, I was gunna argue the point a bit more, but then I realised what Richard said. Yes, Zach, you are a muppet.
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